My Writing This Semester

Through this class, I have learned that

  • The silly writing that I do on the Internet has real-world demand and application.  (If done well.)
  • There’s really no topic that’s off-limits.  (Previously I would have ideas and then be like “No.  Nobody writes about that.”)
  • Getting published is hard, but not some far-off dream so remote that it’s more plausible and practical to plan a trip to Mars.
  • Heavy sadness and anger can be molded and polished into eloquent, humorous, well-thought-out rants on the page.
  • Some people do give a shit about what I have to say.
  • I do not have to be afraid.

Knowing these things does not necessarily make writing easier, but it does make it a much bigger adventure.

Sub-Saharan Sweetheart Kpinga

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Everyone loves the sleek, hip look of a throwing knife, but there’s nothing like the embarrassment you feel when it hits your foe handle-first!  Talk about a fashion don’t!  But don’t worry – thanks to the Zande people of Sudan, you can be fashion-forward and have near 100% accurate aim!  The Kpinga throwing knife is designed to rip into your target’s flesh no matter how it hits.  It’s light enough to throw, but heavy enough to hit with a bang!  Offset this bodacious blade with a makraka (sickle) at your belt, a rattan shield, and a lusty cry of “Niam-niam!”*  Show ’em that you’re a babe who means business!

*This is a Zande word and also essentially an onomatopoeia meant to imitate the sound of chewing, as in “I’m going to eat you after I kill you.”  A sensible lady lets nothing go to waste!   

MacDougal’s Dream Claymore

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It’s a sword that would make Rob Roy green with envy!  Be the talk of your next Highland charge with this two-handed longsword with a 3.5 foot double-edged blade forged of finest Clydebridge steel.  Tiny quatrefoils at the end of the quillons add a whimsical touch to the forward-sloping cross hilt.  Pair it with blue war paint, your clan tartan, and the blood of your enemies, and you’ll be the most fashion-forward lass at Stirling Bridge!